Fork in the Road

 

I have always been a writer. I always kept a journal growing up, now I'm always making lists and writing down thoughts, and of course blogging too. Some days, I am just compelled to write whatever is weighing heavily on my heart. Today is one of those days. I was just sitting here on my couch and became overwhelmed with emotions. Frustration, excitement, sadness, annoyance. This is a time of immense change for me and it hasn't been easy. I'm not very good with change, I'm not a very flexible person, and I always like to have a plan in place for EVERYTHING in life (ask Brandon, this trait drives him insane!). So to say it's been a tough month would be an understatement.

One minute I was comfortably living at home with my parents, not paying for much of anything. They are really good for supporting me and they understood that I was living at home for the year to save money. I was comfortable and mostly satisfied. Sure I was 21 and living at home again but it made life easy for me. I always had a plan to move out August 2014, when I got accepted to school. Except I didn't get accepted and my life kind of got uprooted pretty quickly. Brandon wasn't satisfied in his job at CIBC and he was constantly looking for something better suited to him. I can't express to you how proud of him I am, he is so hard working and he deserves this job! He constantly told me he wanted a good job that would allow him (and us) and better future. I took a leap of faith and decided pretty quickly to move to the city with him. This is totally out of character for me but I knew that Brandon would be supportive of me.

I thought "I will just move to the city and find a job in my field (kinesiology)". However, apparently life doesn't work that way and it's not that easy to just find a job on a whim. I feel like I am qualified, hard working, reliable, people-oriented, and passionate. I have applied for a million jobs, had an interview, got my hopes up, and still nothing. It's less financial and more personal right now. I have quite a bit of money saved up but it's really starting to wear me down mentally. I feel inadequate and frustrated and sad. I like waking up every day and having a purpose or a goal. I like working hard and being busy and having a new challenge every day. 

I have looked into a million options for jobs, education, etc. I talked to a high school friend who is a massage therapist and then I went to tour the school last week. It seems like a great career but why am I so hesistant? Is it because I am scared that it may not be a good fit for me or is it because it's an expensive program to take? I have also looked into personal training, nutritionist, health coach, etc. So many different options. Some days, my mind races in a million different directions. This is tough for me. I like a plan, I like knowing my next step, I hate when things are all up in the air. 

Basically, I needed to write this post to get it all off my chest. Now I plan to deep clean my apartment, apply for more jobs, workout, have a nice bubble bath, and try to stay positive. I know that life is good at throwing curve balls and I know that everything will work out how it's supposed to. So for now, I will just weather this rough patch and look forward to all the good things that are sure to come my way soon!