Indequate.

Sometimes life seems so daunting, frustrating, and bleak that you just need to write about how you're feeling. I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I wish that my "life plan" would quit switching every day. I love plans, I love structure, I love knowing what my next step is. For the past several months, I haven't had a concrete plan for what my next life plan is. I wasn't excepted into occupational therapy. I was hurt, bruised, and broken by that. I was so excited for the possibility but then my heart got shattered and I was too angry to even consider trying again. There was no way, if they didn't want me on my first application, then too bad for them. So I got a summer job, kept on living life, and totally failed to even spend one second considering what would happen after summer was over. I was too busy living in the moment and naively avoiding any commitment or plan. Which, could be seen as a great thing considering I am usually the opposite. So fast forward to now, it is mid August and I am panicking because next week my summer job is over and then what? 

That's just it. I have no idea. Well I mean, I have some ideas but nothing is set in stone. I was thinking of just finding full time employment in hopefully something tolerable. Little did I know, that job hunting is THE WORST THING EVER! I literally hate nothing else more. It's time consuming, daunting, and annoying. I have literally found nothing I want to do or apply for. So then I got thinking that may be I could swallow my pride and work applying for not only OT again but even PT too. All fine and dandy until I just discovered that a. I failed to take grade 12 chemistry, b. that the courses I need aren't offered in fall term, c. that OT and PT only take into consideration marks up until December 2014. So basically, that plan is not possible.

So essentially I am back to square one. I have no clue what I am going to do with my life. I hate this. I hate not knowing, I hate that people keep telling me to quit worrying & that it will all work out, I hate that I have a degree and it is literally getting me no where. This is not how I saw my life being. I just want a job that will make me happy and provide me stability, it just seems like that's too much to ask for.

Well I feel a bit better now after that vent session. I hope for clarity soon.