Lately I have been thinking about how often nowadays people only show their "best self" to people. With facebook, twitter, instagram, and blogging as a whole it seems people are always showing off their cute, new outfits, amazing recipes, creative DIY projects, etc. People are posting pictures that portray that they have it all together, instead of letting themselves be vulnerable and be themselves. I currently read many, many blogs. Some are thoughtful and deep, others are funny and light-hearted, some are lifestyle blogs, fashion blogs, DIY blogs, or fitness blogs. I find that it's really hard to find your voice in the blogging community. I often find myself thinking negative thoughts like "will I ever measure up?", "will I ever have thousands of followers", and "will I ever really MAKE IT in the blogging world?".
It seems crazy to think these thoughts considering I only started my blog last July. I know I have made vast improvements from there and I know that blogging takes time and constant energy to keep it up. Some days I do feel like it's pointless. Like nobody reads my blog or connects with what I'm saying. If I'm being honest, I have thought about deleting my blog completely. However, I know that my blog makes me happy and I enjoy writing whats on my heart and quite frankly that's all that matters. I want a place where I can write down my memories or thoughts, a place where I can grow in my own little way. I know that if my blog is meant to be bigger and better, it'll happen. I just need to work at it, keep doing what I love, and hoping that people will relate to me.
I thought it would be interesting to make a list (since I'm a list-a-holic) with some facts you may not know about me. Some fun and quirky, others a bit deeper so you get the gist of not only my best side but also a bigger picture of who I am; good AND bad!
1. I haven't found the courage to tell most people in my life about this little blog of mine. Honestly, not even my best friends know. I'm not sure why I feel so awkward about telling people but I hope I can overcome this hurdle soon. Also, I feel awkward about posting anything blog related on my facebook, probably because I have a LOT of people on there that I don't want reading my deepest, darkest secrets. Strange I know, do you have any suggestions for getting over the awkwardness?
2. I broke my elbow when I was 12-ish. It involves a horse and a pit bull at dusk. Sound interesting? Maybe I should write a post on that sometime. I still can't fully extend my left arm but the only time I notice is when I exercise. But instead of letting it hold me back, I modify moves, for example doing wall pushups or doing all plank moves from my elbows (it's better than not doing anything at all). I hope to have surgery and get this fixed asap though!
|Excuse my workout attire. This is as far as my arm extends!|
3. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was around 10 years old. Trust me, I tried but I had horrid balance and always fell off. I eventually stopped trying and just took to running after my sisters and friends who biked everywhere. I eventually learned when I was 10 but I will be the first to admit that I'm still not good at it... When I was 15 or so I successfully popped both tires and got stuck in the railroad tracks (not cool) during a bike ride with my friend Jen.
4. Growing up, I had a speech impediment where I couldn't say the letter "r" properly. This lead to lots of teasing and embarassment growing up. This is why I used to hate talking to people I didn't know or in front of people when I was a kid, it made me self-conscious. Thankfully I grew out of it but what an awful thing for any kid to go through.
5. Not only did I have a speech impediment growing up but I was overweight which dramatically increased the bullying. I had an unhealthy relationship with food and since I felt ugly and out of place through my younger years, I would turn to food for solace. I would get home from school and easily devour a whole box or cookies or a huge bag of chips for snack. It made me feel better and more satisfied but I quickly put on a lot of weight. I remember weighing myself in grade 8 and seeing 210 pounds flash on the scale in front of me. I was horrified and disgusted with myself. Eventually I pulled myself out of the depression and loneliness and I worked off 50 pounds going in to my grade 10 year. I have struggled with my weight ever since and had many ups and downs along the way. However, it can be done and there is truly nothing better than losing weight and making all your bullies jaws drop when they see you after the summer holidays. Take that bullies, you're not so powerful after all!
6. I have a bad temper and I get annoyed & frustrated easily. I feel like not many people know this about me, other than those that are closest to me (Brandon, parents, sisters). Don't get me wrong, I am a kind, genuine person and I'm not dangerous... I just don't always have control over how I react to situations. I get angry, I resort to taking out that frustration in awful ways, and soon after I realize I didn't need to react in such a bad way. It's a bad cycle but I have acknowledged it and I am working on it everyday. If you're in the same boat, don't be ashamed... not everyone is what they seem to be from the outside looking in.
7. I played rugby for 4 years in high school. I think I have mentioned it before briefly but rugby is honestly the only sport I have ever identified with. I felt like I was in my element and I was actually really good at it. Sports were never really my forte (refer to #5) but rugby was MY SPORT. I loved playing with my best friends and really watch myself get better and better!
|Me, Justine, Shaston. Please ignore the tape on my head.|
|Warm up run with Justine & Kendra before a game.|
I'll leave it at that today. I hope you enjoyed learning more about me today :)
Do you have any quirks that make you interesting?
Do you agree that people so often only show their "best self"?
From now on, I hope to share all of me with you.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Happy hump day! So close, yet so far from the weekend.